GoiN thROugH LyFE onE dAY at A tiMe =l

New Year....Old Problems....

2010-01-08T20:05:00.000-08:00

Its a new year but things are still the same as last year. I feel like i screwed everything with some people and i dont know naymore. Things have gotten so complicated. I play everything off like nothing fazed me but really I feel like im dying just a lil bit more everyday. I put on this fake face just so that no one can tell what is really going on behind these blue eyes. If you could see the images that they have seen you would be afraid. If you you cold read all the stories my heart and mind have been through you would be scared. There are time I just wanted it to all end. If i just kept this wall up in my heart nothing would of happened and I would never of become the person i am. Why did this have to happen? What you did to me was unforgivable and everytime i see your face i want to hurt you so badly that you just might feel the pain I was put through. You took my innonce away from me even though I allowed it, you should of known better. Too much crap happened the last two months of 2009 and they followed me into the new year. I just want high school to end so that i wont have to deal with you or that fat, ugly, bitch you call a person. Im not even sure shes a girl. She pisses me off so much im to my breaking point. I have everything bottled up in my body one little thing is bound to set me off. I swear most of it is because of you and she contributed to the other half. I just want to break down some days but I cant show weakness. Im so afraid, pissed, lonely, broken, and wasted I feel everything about me now is just my pokerface. I wish i could tell someone anything but im afraid that if i tell the whole truth they wouldnt look at me the same way, never talk to me again, and think of me in a way thats not good. I WANT TO GO BACK AND CHANG EVERYTHING BEFORE THEY GOT OUTA CONTROL. The pain is getting so much to bare.

New Life

2009-06-22T23:38:00.001-07:00

Strong arms grab me form behind, and sharp fangs rip into my neck, draining every ounce of blood from my beating heart. My mind whirls. Could it be a vampire? Are they real? My vision starts to blur and fade away as the blood is drains from my cooling body. I imagine the monster that is doing this horrible act to me. He plays with me before giving me the gift of eternity. He slices his arm and lets the blood of the undead fill my exhausted body. Ecstasy and pain fill my head and body. It feels like a piece of love. A final cold embrace between a vampire and a human. A human slowly being turned into a mistress of the night. Filled with the blood of the undead my sire leaves me to feel the pain and agony of turning. I awake after the change. As the dark night settles upon my shoulders, everything is clearer. I feel my power intensify and hunger grows. After feasting upon some innocent bystanders, he returns. I run my tongue over my newly acquired fangs. He grabs me by the hand and leads me to our new fate. Hand in hand, my souls returns to my body as we walk off in the dark night, that I call my new life.

juSt suMThiN 2 WriTE =]

2009-05-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

So wow........like i havent BLOGGED in so f-ing long foolz =D its been sucha stressing like probably month.....trying to get all dis crap done fo skool.......argh man ima be a freakin SENIOR n its no bueno y bueno cuz like ima finally get to leave the house......but i have to basically grow up and face the real world and i dont think im ready fo dat cuz its scary....... Well im working on my history final (i havent rly started on it lol =D) but ya so ima go n try to work on it =D

*~* PEACE *~*

boARd aT miDNighT =D

2009-04-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

So yeah...im constantly listen to the same song ova n ova agian... LOVE SEX AND MAGIC I really like this song and its like reallly awsum..i dont like ciara to much but JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE has a very sexy voice in this song....so im reading (i noe shocker lol ) ne wayz im readin NEW MOON and it kinda got on my nerves at sum parts....like idk sum times it was boaring me but i wanted 2 read on so i culd get to the next book...(these books are to long for me to read) lol and other timez it was just starting to annoy me....but yeah it took me a long time just to get the second book to read it..last year Danie tried to get me to start reading em n well i wasnt to much into reading but she finially got me to read it and it liked it...pretty good book....i dont like the movie though many errors cept the baseball scene is just sexy with jasper n emmit heyyyyy!!!!!but when james smelled bella and the cullens went to "protect" her they shoud of like showed fangs wen the revieled their teeth....back to me reading so im almost done which im glad cuz this books isnt to intersting any more i really want to read ECLIPSE thanks to DANIE havin me read parts last year and them bein re-told what happends had me interested way more (damn u because u know i like stuff like in House of Night wink wink) got me very interested in the lat 2 BOOKS.....lol =D Ima go so i can finish reading
*~* PEACE *~*

WriTTinG whiLE SUmtHiN =D

2009-04-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

so ya..im at my sisters house and was board so descided to go on the computer and blogg......lol yeah i noe, no lyfe..lol..i was just reading sum of the recents blogs pplz have written.. i hope that wat has been written is just the 2 pplz messin round...

Ne wayz i was just wondering...when you become friends with sum one y is it that when they start tlkin 2 sum one else they kinda blow you off to hang wit that person and then they just slip away n tlk to that person more that you to where it gets to the point that the person rather hang with the new "friend" and just doesnt really acknowledge you??????
just wondering

MOrE To Say =P

2009-04-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

I fogot to add to the Wreswtle mania thingy i was tlkin bout.....
CARLITO Y PRIMO ARE THE UNIFIED WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION'S WHOO HOOO =D

THAT FAT UGLY MAN BOOB BACK FAT GIGGLING ASSHOLE...YUP JBLOSE.....LOST HIS INTERCONTINENTIAL CHAMPIONSHIOP TO REY REY SO HE GOT HIS BIG 'OL GRANNY PANTIES ALL IN A BUNCH AND "QUIT" THE WWE...OHHH BOOO HOO...YEAH RIGHT WE R SO HAPPY THAT ASS LEFT =D

ne wayz yup n ohhhh MY ANIMAL BATISTA IS BACK BABY ;)

BoArinG =(

2009-04-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

SO today was kinda boring...i have to type this freakin 5 page essay for my college class but haven't accomplished much =(
But yesterday was the most "awsumest" day...WRESTLE MANIA 25 best thing in the freakin world....I watched sum of the best matches and well sum sadning ones...Well to start it off MY MAN CM PUNK WON THE MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH AGAIN (2 times in a row) My other man JOHN CENA BEAT THE FAG SHOW (aka..big show) and THE RATED-G LOSER EDGE and became the WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION AGAIN......There was a good and sad part of this----
THE HEARTBREAK KID SEAN MICHAELS V. UNDERTAKER...sad and happy well i wanted UNDERTAKER to win and he did but HBK SEAN MICHAELS lost but i wanted him to win...idk big delima for me...Now the freakin Diva match was creeepy..eww santino...lol =D...the heartbreakin moment of the evening was wen my baby lost to his dumbass older bro...yup JEFF HARDY..its ok i still love u.......
REY MYSTERIO FREAKIN BEAT THE UGLY FATASS MAN GIGGLIN UGLY FREAKIN jbl FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP =D...whooooo hooo
So yeah wrestle mania 25 was full of asumness and will give us all memories who watched it will stay for ever
*~* PEACE *~*

CRazY dAY aT skOOl =D

2009-04-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

So yeah Jose n (her) ohhh wait his!! LOVER aurora were messing around sumthin bout doin the sneaky sneaky...n like smack that or sumthin idk it was funny (its jose n i dnt get wat she is saying) So right now its Lunch an we r in CHECKS room while Jose Aurora Blanca and Eliz do they performance for the musical dinner theater....OMFG it freakin almost SPRING BREAK (A BAY BAY) I cant wait cuz i need to sleep in and just relax for like two weeks...I will type more after i get back form COLLEGE cuz funn crazy shit always happens when we r there =D

*~* PEACE *~*

foRgiVE n ForGEt =) YeAH

2009-04-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

SO ok we went to Llausas room again during break but didnt accomplish much....Then we went to his room agian during LUNCH to work it out.....IDK wat the real problem was but i do know from my point of view being singled out to talke n share my feeling when i was willing to let eveything go..That wat KAREN said and its true.....We finially got over the "drama" and did a big ol GROUP HUG.......=D awwww it was amazing lol....So yeah it was a goooood thing that this is hopefulllly over with once and for all.....

English with Dani, Jose, Eliz, and Aurora was funn today....Jose was messsing with Aurora as usual so I descided to throw his backpack across the room...We all sat in a little circle and like just talked and like SUNNY WITH A CHANCE Monday is great, Tuesday is angry, Wednesday is akward, Thursday is akward still, and Friday is AWSUM(hahahaha jose i stole ur dumb line...Dats right i see ur face since ur stting right next to me in CHECKS class) [HISTORY rulz].....So have a great rest of APRIL FOOL'S day....lol
*~* PEACE *~*

CompUTer @ SkOol =D

2009-04-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

So yeah im in the computer lab at my skool wher i just signed up for the SAT (dats right im smart lol) So yeah im watchin Jose n Patrick posting a blog as im typin minez...lol =D...hehehe so yeah its was funny yesterday at college and the 90210...wow crazy shit man just crazy....SILVER has go to Psycho town on a one way ticket....
SO ya patrick is like super dope...lol...Jose is just here like hes just random....Ohhhhh 42...Yeah idk im kinda board....I'm listen to my ipod...ok not really i like have my ear phones in but no music playing....wtf is wrong i cant belive im not listening to music.....lol so yeah we r gona agian talin in Llausas room about sum problem....omg it freakin cold up in this room..My hand is freezing from the ari blowing right on it..... so yeah pplz at the table need 2 talk this stuff out...like idk wat else to say bout it but like Jose wants to put us on the spotlight....Karen needs to speak her mind cuz what she has to say matters...just like Liz talked yesterday it was helpful...but som pplz neeeeeeed to not inturupt others so we can work this "drama" stuff out......i think we r sum wat fine right now but i guess not.....LETS GET TOGETHER AND HAVE SOME FUNNN!!!!!!! =D
THIS IS FOR U LIZ =D its purple.....yeah i dont wana go to tutoring after skool..it kinda suck since i dont have all 6 classes...ne wayz =D

UmM noT suRe wAT to SAy =D

2009-03-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

So friday i didnt get to blog since i was at skool til late practicing(not really just kinda helping) then i went to my couzins house til really late so to tell u wat happened ayer!!!
Well Karen, Jose, Jaz, Patty, Dannie and me didnt wana really stay for the pep rally at our skool so we walked to Valero and wen we were walkin there we heard out skool like screaming....man we r freaking loud...so yeah i bout a ROCKSTAR energy drink..(awsum stuff) n when we were walkin back PATTY was starting at my ass...he asked if i was wearing my Apple Bottome Jeans (not thinkin who asked i said yessss=D..) well the Jose said sumthin bout Pattrick and ewww he was staring at my butt =( violation...So patty said "no i thoguh her ipod was fallin out" so then Jose was like "ohh so patty was starin at ur left butt cheeck"....it was just ewwwww =D lol so yeah we were at skool til late pplz who were in MUSICAL DINNER theater were doin they dance while i watched.....I help Aurora, Jaz, and Dannie on their routine...wen jaz left i stepped in for her and me n aurora came up with some new dance moves....It was pretty funn...AT MY COUZINS HOUSE WAS CRAZY!!!!!! the end =D

*~* PEACE*~*

A POEM =D

2009-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

She lies there
WaitingFor death to come
As the silver spear
Shining like the moon
Pierces her flesh
As she waits
For something to come next
But all she hears
Is the birds have stopped singing
As she floats off to a place of oblivian
But what if the birds
Had kept singing?
Would the world stop spinning?
Or would it all stay the same?

Tell Me Wat You Think Please =D

ToDaY wAS juSt likE wOw =)

2009-03-31T18:39:00.000-07:00

So like yeah...we had to all go into Llause(if thats the correct spelling) room n talk this whole "DRAMA" issue out.
That didnt work cuz apparently we didnt get everyting out n we r gona keep talking bout it til its solves...IDK wat the problem is cuz it seems like everyone is getting along wit eachother...unless pplz r 2faced n being nice to they face n rude behind their backs.....Ne wayz we have 2 keep doin this until its all "solves"
OMG 90210 is on today and it new!!!!! Its gona be such an amazing episode....Dixon n Silver did the sneaky sneaky n now she all over him......Wow so at college we were at the park..It was funn but when Kinberly tried to get off the swing to play tag she totally ate it...I help her up but it was funny(sorrry Kimmy) and yeah so we played tag...Jose got scared yet again about being tagged and he culdnt see Kimmy so he freaked....funny stuff....ohhh n wen we were walkin back to the bus to leave this dude was walking the opposite way and was like singing...OMG it was so freakin funny like he was wailing(kinda like he was singin opra or sumthin) ne wayz it was freakin funny and yeah....guess u would have 2 be ther to understand...lol =D....
So yeah today was great...funnn stuff...college especially....I HAD MY CRACK PINK LEMONADE......lol only Liz understands what i means.....Thats right a real OGG....yeah only me n her understand...lol =D....so bye for nowz...Gottta go watch 90210 =D
*~* PEACE *~*

AWWW AURORA

2009-03-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

Aurora thank u for the appology....and i get where u comin from.....Its ok....i just didnt like the fact pplz were totally bashin on me.........Its ok dude ur my friend always n forever..... I LUV U 2 death.....=)

I'm sorry if i made u feeel bad =( it just got a lil hurt =) SO YEAH.....i <3 you =")

HigH SkOol DrAMa...noT CooL =(

2009-03-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

So yeah as i was sayin earlier......They straight up lied to me n went to the movies.....wat eva so wat.....the thing that i really messsed.....Three pplz have stated that our TABLE is kinda splitting....That is so tru wether u wana believe it or not....Eliz, Aurora, n Jose are hangin out more than with otherz....Blanca is kinda just there(n yes blanca i do love you, your a reallllllllly goood friend, but u ya noe ) and like yeah we wont have just the table n more but that doenst mean JOSE AURORA n ELIZ need to only be with eachother n basically block every1 else out.....

Patrick is like the only perosn right now bescides Liz, Karen, n Squishy that hasnt really made me mad n wanna punch sum 1's lights out......Patrick thanks for being a friend right now...Although u might tlk sum shit on me....hey its k....we all tlk shit on pplz......

Karen is just a awsum person...even though we dont tlk as much its still great when we do =)
Liz is just liz...just look at her and you will know what i'm tlkin bout....
Squishy you help me through my problem in Chem...still do =)

U guyz just need to know that no matter what happens wit us......Blanca you were my frist friend at that skool and have been there 4 me....Jose ur just there (awsum member)....Karen ur just kool n a awsum person to hang wit....Elzi is sweet and caring and im lucky to have a friend like you....Squishy is well me Squishy....Liz is so cool always there to tlk 2 no matta what..Patrick is cool in a dork way but i dont matter hes just a totally awsum person tambien....Aurora well u were koool in the begin of 10th grade haing in Geometry.......

So seriously we need to tlk this shit out n get on wit our LIVEZ =)

tO muCh tO deAl wiTh !!!!!!!!!

2009-03-29T17:41:00.001-07:00

Im sick n tired of everyone's blg that i've freakin read is talkin shit up on me. Ok first of all Aurora and Blanca tlked bout me startin Drama and stuff. Friday we r to turn in a writting activity for history. Jose was in Mrs.Acostas room typin it n he had to go to menotring...so I told him to save it on my usb drive while Danie was usin her's...For sum reason it wasnt working, not letting us save it on my usb...Both of us tried to save it...wuldnt work and then THEY said it was my fault n i came up with a lame excuse...like i would on purpose "Sabotage" his writting activity. I took the computer and told him i wuld type it after i finish re-typin minez...But when all the ppl who go to mentoring came back they demanded for the computer after i was finished....I told em i wuld type Jose's after i saved minez 2 print so they culd practice...But no they were all being mean n shit...Yeah Blanca was typin it in Mrs. Algers room...When she said i was being rude bout (Ohh I'm board...blah blah blah.) thats so not what i said i tired to get partick n aurora to be quite so danie could read it to Blanca (Selective hearing i guess huh )N like me Patrick n Aurora went outside n walked around....n then like we came back in n they were finishing it up n wat not....so yeah Aurora said sum stuff that really pissed me off n made me cry( not cry as in sad =( no pissed as in pissed the f**k off)......n i quote right from aurora "nice old reliable Jessie .......You would think Jessie would have finished typing Jose Writing actvity,, oh wait we are talking about jessie"....do u noe how idk how to explain it but yeah that was just not coool to say.......

Something to Write about

2009-03-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt alone...
Like everyone around you has left you........
Your friends dont care..
They rather be with everyone else but you....
They share secrets and leave you out....
Have you ever felt like running away...
Where no one can find you...
Nothing is left yet they dont seem to care.....
You feel alone and they go about their lives not caring....
Seems everyone feels like this at some point in their life......
Does it ever get better?????
It depends......
Being alone culd be a good thing.....